And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone came in the potted fern
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
