Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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