Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
