I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
