Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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