It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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