he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
