I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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