Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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