Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
