I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
