my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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