The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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