I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
