yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
