Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
