the condom got lost in my hair
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
