Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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