Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
4 words: hood of his car
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
