Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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