fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
