he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
