i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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