you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
