when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
