I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
