He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
