i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
