ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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