He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
