Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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