Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
