I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
