I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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