I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
