her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
