Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize