Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
