I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
