I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
