Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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