Got a toothbrush?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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