I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
