I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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