We're facebook friends in real life
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
