did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
