Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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