he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ok first of all what the fuck
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