My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
