i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We are two peas in an std pod
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
