I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
