I think scott just propositioned me for sex
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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