...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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