I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
