There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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