I could have mohawked her pubes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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