Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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