I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
