Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
