what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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