i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The adults are the big ones right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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