so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
