just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
