oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
