You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
