mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
