I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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