captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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