Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
