dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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