So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
