Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
